Your Fear of Making Mistakes is Holding You Back

Introduction

What’s your earliest memory of making a mistake? Maybe it happened at school, at home, or somewhere else unique. It might have come with some sort of punishment or consequence from an authority figure. Do you remember how you felt? For many, those early mistakes came with feelings of embarrassment, inadequacy, and fear.

It's surprising how many of us have memories of minor mistakes being met with major reactions. We often felt like our small errors were reflections of our overall capabilities or even our worth.

As we grow older, we develop strategies to manage our tendency to make mistakes. We practice ways to avoid them to escape those uncomfortable feelings and the expected consequences. Often, these strategies become deeply ingrained, even subconscious.

While it's natural to want to avoid mistakes, this avoidance can quickly become harmful and even crippling. It might make you avoid trying new things or hinder your ability to learn and improve new skills. For many, the fear of mistakes manifests as chronic anxiety and worry, leading to a negative outlook on life and lower self-esteem. The fear of making mistakes easily contributes to a variety of mental health issues.

Are Mistakes That Serious?

In survival situations, mistakes can be deadly. Thousands of years ago, human groups were tiny and vulnerable. In times of danger, one person’s oversight could cost the entire group greatly. But today, the average person isn't routinely faced with life-or-death decisions, and most mistakes are relatively harmless and inconsequential. So why is our fear of making mistakes still so great?

Nowadays, mistakes aren't usually deadly, but our brains still perceive the feelings of shame and inadequacy that follow as threatening. These feelings affect our self-worth, self-concept, and self-esteem—all vital parts of how we see ourselves. So, while shame and inadequacy aren't physical threats, they are psychological ones. And if these feelings are tied to making mistakes then our psychological ability to cope with mistakes becomes severely impaired.

Our ability to cope with mistakes is severely impaired when we associate them with feelings of shame and inadequacy.

Mistakes Are Unavoidable

Expecting to avoid making mistakes sets you up for a lifetime of perceived failures. The fear of making mistakes entertains an illusion of human perfection that doesn't exist. No matter how hard you try, you will make mistakes because they are unavoidable.

Mistakes are the human way of learning. To develop a skill, you must start by doing it badly. Sure, some people are naturally gifted at certain things, but no one is gifted at everything. We all need to learn, practice, and grow. Accepting this fact is the first step to handling mistakes with resilience rather than negativity.

Reclaiming Your Mistake Mentality

Picture this: a friend makes a mistake at work and starts coming down hard on themselves, questioning their intelligence and self-worth. They say things like, "How could I be so stupid?" or "I’m such a waste of space. What's wrong with me?" What would you tell this friend?

Most of us would instinctively respond with, "That's not true! You just made a mistake. It happens to everyone." Yet, these are often the same harsh words we say to ourselves when we mess up.

What Do You Truly Believe?

Do you believe that making a mistake means someone is dumb, defective, or a waste of space? If not, it's time to reclaim your mistake mentality.

Often, the way we view and react to our mistakes doesn't reflect what we truly believe. It might be the echoing voice of an authority figure from long ago. As children, we adopted their view of our mistakes to stay in their good graces. Back then, it didn't seem helpful to be gracious and understanding with ourselves, especially amid harsh criticism. But now, that criticism is self-inflicted.

The Truth About Mistakes

Let’s set the record straight. Mistakes make most people feel inadequate and shameful; however, this feeling is due to a history that most people have of being shamed when they made a mistake. In truth, mistakes are part of the human experience. No one can live a life without mistakes. We all mess up. We think, learn, rethink, and relearn. We learn from mistakes, sometimes several, sometimes many. Whether or not we make a mistake isn't what matters most—how we respond to our mistakes does.

How to Respond to Mistakes

How you respond to mistakes matters greatly. Do you deny the mistake or acknowledge it? Do you become defensive or take accountability? Do you give up and avoid or take action to repair?

Acknowledging and taking accountability for your mistakes is essential for learning from them. Shame and inadequacy make us want to hide, preventing us from owning up to our mistakes. If your mistakes mean you're "a waste of space" or "not good enough," there's no room for growth—only self-pity and self-absorption.

We are meant to learn from mistakes. That requires acknowledgment, self-reflection, accountability, and action. It requires recognizing that you can learn from mistakes and do better next time. Know that mistakes do not define your worth or potential. They are tools for learning that you can use to your advantage if you're willing to.

Conclusion

Accept that you will make more mistakes. But instead of beating yourself up, respond with grace and initiative. Read the following mantra three times with intention:

"I really don’t like making mistakes. But I work towards accepting that they are and forever will be part of the human experience. When I make a mistake, I will acknowledge it, take accountability, reflect, and repair if possible. I am capable of learning from my mistakes."

You can choose how you respond to your mistakes. What past or present mistakes do you need to take accountability for? What can you learn from them? What, if anything, can you do to respond or make amends? And lastly, how can you forgive yourself? Knowing that you’re only human and incapable of living a mistake-free life, practice extending grace to yourself for your mistakes and grace to others for theirs.